Working in a secondary school has helped me understand that the school environment is not for everyone, it can feel fast paced, too loud and chaotic to one person, to someone else it could be somewhere they find going easy and they get to see all their friends, to others it might be the only place they feel safe.  There are also those young people that are a mix of all but are experiencing something much more deeper like fear, being bullied or having difficulty learning.

The way in which I work is person centred, so in other words pupil led, allowing the pupil to lead all sessions helps them learn to trust me at their own pace, and control what they talk about, dependent on what the pupil brings I will offer key skills and strategies along the way, to help.   What i have also found a lot is that some pupils just want someone to talk to,  someone to offload to, sometimes its to tell me happy things, things they are proud of, and being heard makes all the difference to them.

As a parent myself and experiencing school avoidance a few years back, I can say that after reflection, I was trying to deal with something coming from a place were I was being led with my emotions, emotions that I was facing for the first time that I had no idea about and how to control, parenting doesn't come with a guide book where we can go to the page " my child wont attend school, why?".  Wouldn't life be much easier if there was a book!   I realised that when my child avoided school, so did I, I let them stay home, I knew they were safe, I am by all means not staying this is/was right or wrong, but I now understand that a safe space for anyone is where ever they feel safe enough to open up, talk and be heard and i didn't give anyone an opportunity to help us.

When talking to a young person about school, it is just as important to find out what they like the most as it is what they are struggling with, this helps me whilst working through the difficulties to have something positive for them to focus on, sometimes its not school that's the route problem, but its heightened in the environment.  Lets face it, if something upset me this evening and I had to go to work tomorrow, I may struggle to concentrate or focus.

Young people experience so much as they are also trying to navigate school, for some its the first time they are walking through the gates without a parent, friendships problems for the first time is something I hear so much about, those feelings of rejection, not fitting it, or being bullied are first times and they don't understand their own feelings let alone  how to cope or navigate through.

Bodies and hormones are working hard, they are constantly changing at different speeds, their minds are maturing, they become more aware of themselves , some are confused about themselves, all of the above is going on for a young person at the same time as trying to sit , concentrate and learn.

Something a pupil once said to me has stuck in my mind , " being a child in school has so much pressure, being someone I am not is hard, but if I don't I will loose my friends".  I have lost track of the pupils that have said the same since, the pressure for those to have to be someone they know they are not is exhausting, the work that I did was focused on self confidence and self esteem , confidence to know that we don't need to change for anyone, and that we choose our friends they don't choose us.

some people don't know the difference between confidence and self esteem, the easiest way to understand this is , self confidence is " what I can do " whilst self esteem is " who I am ".

Schools have more support and information these days,  working together as a team is going to give your child the best support, but also lets not forget that as equally as important is a parent, situations can be emotional and a struggle if you are also juggling other commitments such as other children or  work, so its also important that you get help and feel supported.